Friday Joke - Similarities / Dirty Limericks

Similarities 

A boy asks his dad to explain the differences between irritation, aggravation, and frustration.
Dad picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the phone is answered he asks, "Can I speak to Alf, please?"
"There's no one named Alf here," The person hangs up.
"That's irritation," says dad.
He picks up the phone again, dials the same number and asks for Alf a second time.
"No, there's no one named Alf here. You have the wrong number. If you call again I will call the police." End of conversation.
"That's aggravation."
"Then what's frustration?" asks his son.
The father picks up the phone and dials a third time, "Hello, this is Alf. Have I received any phone calls?"

There was a young lady named Claire

who possessed a magnificent pair;

Or that's what I thought 

Til I saw one get caught

On a thorn, and begin to lose air.

Goldilocks has a lots of guys.

Pinnochio's one, I'm advised!

She sits on the puppet

and he sticks his nose right up it

and makes the poor fellow tell lies!